My anxiety comes in waves. Much of the time I am fine. I don’t feel anxious and my brain is at normal speeds. Other times, my brain is so fast and I feel so panicked about anything and everything. The unpredictable timing of each is very hard and sometimes quite overwhelming.
On the hardest days, I feel so unsafe outside of my home. I just want to stay in my safe bubble with my husband and little boys. It’s in those moments that I feel defeated and the thoughts of self doubt creep in. It is also in those moments that my tribe shows up.
My husband is the most patient and caring human and we make a good pair. He gives me space when I need it, sits and watches boring tv when I need to, and is my forever buddy on both the hard and best days. I’m also thankful for the tribe around me that steps in from time to time.
I think the greatest gift we can give to other humans is showing up. Showing up in the mountain top moments when the world is cotton candy and rainbows. That is so important. I think we need to celebrate with each other and support our tribe. Showing up also means to do so in the valleys when it’s not easy or the attractive thing to do. I’m a firm believer that showing up in both the valley and on the mountaintop for those we love can change the trajectory of someone’s life.
I know this because my life changed by people showing up.
On the hardest days of foster care, I remember people stopping by to watch little ones so I could shower or take a nap. People have dropped off meals and offered to help with tasks around the house. Pre-pandemic days, we had someone offer to come sit with kids for an hour every week just so Ryan and I could get out of the house together and reconnect. During the hardest moments, we’ve had people show up. That’s important for me to remember and be thankful for.
Our tribe is also very good at showing up for us when we are celebrating. SO many people have celebrated all of our children that we have called ours. Reaching adoption with each of our boys now felt like a victory for all of us. Our tribe shows up.
Sometimes I forget about the tribe. On those days that I want the world to stay away from me. Usually one of them reminds me that I don’t just have Ryan behind me, but a whole host of humans who even from a distance love me, accept me, and are ready for me to come out into the world again when I’m ready.
If you feel alone and sad like I sometimes do, just remember the tribe around you. If you need a tribe…look me up. You deserve to have someone with you on both the mountaintop and the valleys. This is also a reminder for all of us to be the tribe. Show up for others. Love them well.
Today is one of the harder days for me. Lots of anxiety. Lots of uncertainty. I write this to remind myself that so many people have taught me how amazing the gift of showing up is. I write this to share with you that showing up really can change someone’s life, because it has changed mine.
Koko