I had to learn to pray.
Life and anxiety have taught me to pray angry.
How to pray with my jaw clenched.
With questions stuck in my throat.
With words that don’t sound holy at all.
Because some nights the only prayer I have is
Why, God?
Why this?
Why again?
Why so much waiting?
Why so much hard?
There are moments I pray and don’t feel peace.
I feel frustration.
I feel grief.
I feel like heaven is quiet.
And I’ve had to learn that silence doesn’t mean absence.
God can handle my anger.
My confusion.
My disappointment.
He isn’t offended by my questions.
The Bible is full of people who cried out and didn’t get immediate answers.
People who trusted God
and still asked Him hard things.
So I pray anyway.
I pray for the people that hurt me.
For peace and healing.
For outcomes I can’t control.
I pray with open hands and heart even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Even in the muck, I pray anyway.
Just pray anyway.
KM